makemethinnow

Water fast day 8 1lb down since yesterday! 162lbs

Mon, 18 May 2009 14:41:15 GMT

Well...it's Monday :) I am water fasting hard today. So hungry though!! I am 1lb down since yesterday :) The scales read 11st 8, 11st 8 1/4, 11st 8 3/4 and 11st 9. But 11st 8 LOADS. So...!

I weigh 162lbs. I have lost 15lbs exactly in a week. (1st 1lb) WOOHOO!!

I am hoping to get to 11st by next Monday ideally! 1 week to lose 8lbs. Guess a hard core water fast is in line for this week.

I REALLY have to keep this up!! I am soooo sick of not going out and nothing fitting me and having ZERO confidence and self esteem. I REALLY wish I would have started this in September like I'd planned :( But I am left with the mess now. SIGH...and always will be. WHAT AN IDIOT!!! Anyways, I can't do anything about it now. So!!

Day 5 of water fast 2lbs down since yesterday! 167lbs

Fri, 15 May 2009 13:23:49 GMT

WOOHOO I have made it to day 5 :) Was sooo wanting to eat last night. And I am feeling a lil duzzy and weak today. I would LOVE some food!!! I don't seem to have much energy today.

Weight today is 11st 13lbs (167lbs) So I have lost exactly 10lbs since Monday morning :) YIPEE!!! And 2lbs since yesterday

He's working away today. Just watched a film together...The Illusionist. And warmed him up the sausage pasta I made for him last night. (Made a load as the sausages had to be used by today and he's away til Monday and I am not eating). It smells soooo good!!! I miss coffee too! SOOOOOO much :(

I just keep telling myself that I will feel soooooo good when I can fit into my jeans etc. And then I will be going out...to the cinema and out for mexican and going to the shops to buy new clothes. And feel good for interviews. And meeting new people!!

While he's working away I am planning on going on chat for as long as possible until he's back and making LOADSA money!! I need it DESPERATELY!!!

23:01
Been working tonight. Made 50 in 7 hrs which is great. So easy working from home. Can't complain really.
Feeling sooo hungry tonight and I am afraid I am sooo tempted to eat!! :( I reallllly am. SIGH. It's very very hard tonight.

Day 4 of water fast 2lbs down since yesterday! 169 1/4lbs

Thu, 14 May 2009 08:17:07 GMT

Woohoo! Made it to day 4 :)
Last night around 10:30? I had a nice hot bubbe bath. It really made me sleepy and I had a great nights sleep.
Waking up I felt sick. So going to just keep sipping water today. (I REALLY hope that I don't get ulcers again and sickness like last time cos I was soooo bad around day 8 til 10. And for like a week later. The taste in my mouth was FOUL and I kept having to spit my saliva out. It was disgusting and there was LOADS of it!)

Weight this morning 12st 1 1/4lbs. So 169 1/4lbs. Which means I have lost 2lbs since yesterday :) WOOHOO :)

I am soooo happy with that result. Still HATE HATE HATE my new stretch marks though :( SIGHHHH. I love my stoamch :(

20:25

Argh I am soooo hungry!! Feeling a lil dizzy too. I wana eat soooo bad. Made him food tonight. There's loads of it in the fridge now ready to go in the freezer. I want sooooome hehehehe.

Just been sipping on water today. Haven't had enough though. Need to start drinking more. Just hard...well, no not hard but on the lines...just chatting and writing etc...

He's working away tomorrow afternoon around 3pm? til either Sunday night or Monday morning? So I will get loadsa time on the lines...and money is better on a weekend. So hopefully make loads more money :)
And keep myself busy and AWAY FROM FOOD!!!

Day 2 of 40 day water fast 3 3/4lbs down since yesterday! 173lbs

Tue, 12 May 2009 10:31:32 GMT

Got to bed around 2am. (Worked all night on the lines and made almost £40 in 4 hours :) WHOOOP).

I weigh in at 12st 5lbs this morning. (173lbs).

So I have lost 3 3/4 lbs since yesterday! wow! You can tell that I am WELL above my normal weight in which my body stays by that result. Almost 4lbs is an excellent result and I am sooo pleased and proud with myself that I continued to fast yesterday. Come on Izzie...you can do it :)

16:57
Worked for a lil this morning. Only got in 5 calls and then bf came home so had to sign out :( SIGH.
So hardly made any money today. Which sucks BIG TIME :(

Right now he's having a coffee and some crumpets and they smell soooo good. Have a headache today. Although it's NOTHING like it was last night. I just want to eat so bad. But I am doing so well. I mean, I have lost 4lbs in one day!! So, I have to continue with this fast. Nothing fits me.

I used the derma roller on one side of my stomach today. It's all red now and a lil sore. I rubbed bio oil into it and urgh. I am depressed with it :( Hoping that it'll look loads better when my stomach is flat again though.

Argh goddam I wana eat lol. But I know I can't. I can't wait to get this first week over and done with!!

Tomorrow I am on the calls all day :) YEY! Hopefully make up for not being on today.
But DAMN. It's soo annoying.

Day 1 of water fast 176 3/4lbs

Mon, 11 May 2009 09:55:08 GMT

I am starting my water fast today. I am doing 40 Day water fast. I haven't got weighed yet. But will get weighed in a minute so I can track my progress.
If anyone else is fasting get intouch and perhaps we can weigh in together, and be a support net for times when we feel we are going to fail.

Day 1 of 40 day water fast: 12st 8 3/4 lbs. or 176 3/4 lbs. I can't believe I've let myself get this fast!! I know it's the whole ED thing. But URGH. And my stretch marks make me cry :( Has anyone else got them on their stomach? Have they faded alot? SIGH.

It's 15:42 and I am doing ok. The first day is always the hardest for me. So many times I fast until evening and the decide to eat something and say I will fast tomorrow. (Tomorrow never comes!!)

INTRODUCTION TO THE GIRL BEHIND THE BLOG.

Sun, 10 May 2009 17:55:47 GMT

So...I have realised I haven't even introduced myself.

My name is Izzie. (I hate it when people call my Isobelle. Lol) I am 24 years old and I not working at the moment. Although I do have a degree and was working until recently. I am not working because I am so depressed and haven't felt up to it. But I think losing weight and building on my confidence will help with my self esteem.

I have never felt particularly proud of myself. Always felt like the ugly frumpy girl. Although looking back...I was a gorgeous child. You know. Guys meet me online and think I am gorgeous. So many times I have been told I am pretty. Not the slimmest girl but pretty. I need to lose weight!!!!

I am around 5'3 and weight something like 12st 10lbs at the moment. Which is MASSIVE. I am probably classed as obese. I have reached this weight because I have had an esating disorer and when you don't eat for ages and then go back to eating you binge. ...Only my binge hasn't just lasted a night but 6 months!!

Becuase of my binging I have gained almost 3 stone. I was around 10st 3lbs. (I realise that doesn't sound small..but Jesus, clothes fit, and guys liked me. My stomach was flat and I had perfect skin).
Whereas now...I have buldges. And stretch marks on my abdomen!! I can't wear a tshirt now without a long jumper cos it rides up a lil if I reach for something and you can see the scars. (Which are still bright red - Got them around Feb).

I used to be able to wear short tops...I loved my stomach.. GRRRR!!!!!
URGH.....GROSSSSS!! I am soooo ashamed.

I live with my boyfriend in a small apartment in the city centre. It's small but I love it. He hasn't touched me in such a long time). I bet he thinks I am disgusting. And I bet the stretch marks really put him off!!! I mean what guy wouldn't be put off them!!!

I have been with him for around 5 years now. I don't know if we will spend the rest of our lives together. But because I am sepressed I am not happy with him. I am not happy with anything in my life atm.

I have started this blog to get my thoughts down. And don't want to write in a diary for fear that Sean will find it (My bf). He knows that I have problems with my weight and he knows I fast from time to time but I would hate him to read this. I would be so embarrassed.

Stretch marks make me so depressed. If I lose the weight they will still be there. You know. Ugly reminders of how fat and foolish I was. Will guys be totally freaked out seeing the stretch marks? I mean if I were to meet a guy in the future???
Will fake tan help? Will they always look so bad? I am 24. Will I EVER be able to wear a bikini again??? FUCKING HELL :(

Sometimes I feel so low that I think about suicide. I know that sounds crazy. But there is a history of mental illness in my family and for as long as I can remember I have suffered with depression.

I feel so down and unloved. I hope this weight loss will help me some how.

I have realised I haven't mentioned my struggle with weight. I was anorexic from the age of 11 until around 15. And ever since have suffered with EDNOS. I regularly binge and purge...although haven't purged for a long time now..(as you can tell from my weight gain!) :( I am at my all time heaviest weight.

Age: 24
Height: 5'3
LW: 90 (around 3 yrs ago as an adult, although was 75 at the age of 14).
HW:173 now
CW: 173
1st GW:140
2nd GW:126
3rd GW: 220
4th GW: 115
LTGW: 112

Water fast begins tomorrow...

Sun, 10 May 2009 17:37:20 GMT

Well....here I am. Sunday 10th May 2009 and I STILL haven't taken my diet seriously!!!

I was going to start my water fast today. (Thought it'd be easier for me tomorrow then). But I haven't. And eaten crap and done nothing and I am sat on the chair uncomfortable fill now.

My stomach is massive. Urgh.

So here's what I have had today...

2 slices of toast (both with marg, one with jam, one with peanutbutter).
Porridge with sultanas.
tika chicken pieces in 2 slices of white bread toasted.
1/2 pork pie.
packet of tangy cheesy doritos.
Around 5 cups of coffee. (Been drinking loads of coffee lately).

My strettch marks are awful still. I really need to find my derma roller. Getting a new one near my navel also :( SIGH.
So I really need to start my water fast tomorrow. I know I'll have a few tough days on it, but I NEED to do it. I am ENORMOUS. I need to track my progress and keep my motivation also!!! I mean, I am not even going out of the house cos nothing fits!!! What the hell is that about?!!

So...MONDAY 11TH MAY 2009 is THE DAY :)
I am hoping to do this fast for as long as possible. 40 days would be brilliant!!! And is my goal. I should easily be able to make 40 days and guessing that I would be around 10st 0lbs by the end of the 40 days of water fasting :)

Wow....10st still sounds MASSIVE to me. I cannot believe that I have let myself go so much! Fucking hell!!! Right. I need to sort myself out. I am a complete STATE! It's beyond a joke now. So...

Monday 11th May - Saturday 20th June.
Then I will do juice fasting for as long as possible. Should ideally do it for around the same amount of time spent on water fast. So

Saturday 20th June - Thursday 30th July. HOWEVER...It's his bday in July. So I am going to aim to end my juice fast on Monday 20th July (Having completed 30 days on juice).

Hopefully over the 30 days I will have lost another 15 lbs.. So would be 125lbs. Which is 8st 13 and JUST into the 8 stones :) WHOOP!!
My GOAL weight is 112lbs. And would LOVE to reach that by Leeds Fest 28th August. That would leave me with around 5 weeks to lose 13 lbs. Which I could do with a water fast and juice over the weeks? I LOVE this plan. But am aware that I have made plans like this HUNDREDS of times and never actually finished them. FOOD WILL ALWAYS BE HERE. ALWAYS. But I am missing out on life. I am stuck inside. Too fat to fit into clothes. I will never be able to look in a mirror again and see my stomach and like what I see like I used to.. Because it is covererd in stretch marks now. I LOVED my stomach. My skin was PERFECT on it. Like my back. Everywhere is stretch marks, and spots. URGH...I am depressed...I need to do this!!!! What's 4 weeks eh. NOTHING. And then I will be so much slimmer and feel fresher and cleaner and will LOVE the juice!!! I lasted 10 days last time and it wasn't VERY bad. Just tiring and then I got ill and gave in. The taste in my mouth must have been the toxins. Now I know. And I am not giving up this time until I have done it. MIND OVER MATTER!!!!!

Tomorrow Izzie! Tomorrow you HAVE to start this thing.

Hello...

Wed, 06 May 2009 13:23:50 GMT

So, this is my introductory post. I don't really know how to start it. Perhaps I should outline why I have decided to start a new online journal and take it from there.

Well....I have started because I am FAT. I am miserable and I am missing out on life. I haven't been out of the house really for 5 months!!! :( Nothing fits me. NOTHING. So I am starting a water fast first thing tomorrow and going to continue it until everything fits me the wat it did last August and then I will alternate juice and water fasting until I am 112lbs.

I have a HELL of alot to lose to get to the weight I was last Aug. (Around 30 lbs) And so hope to do a water fast for 30 days to get there. Ideally, in 14 weeks I will be around 8st-8st 10lbs. So would have to lose around 4st. (56lbs) WOW. Which I don't know whether it's possible. But fuck it. I am fasting. So it should be.

So....money. shit shit shit. I have NONE. I hope my chat thing starts soon. Make money QUICK. Or I won't be able to pay for my mobile. :( GRRRRRRR. I am in trouble. but I do need to get down to my weight where things fit in order to get work...so!!!

I need to sort my life out...

1. Weight
2. Job - money
3. Life...social, love etc.

I am lost for the words at the moment. But I will write more soon.